Jürgen Angenvoort- LIFE SAVER

I have been trying to find the right words to write about this gentleman for so many months now and if I being honest, I still don't believe I have found them, but I am going to try anyway :)

It is about someone who saved my life. Someone who held my hand through the darkest times. They say God puts people in your life for a reason, he placed him at the right time and for all the right reasons. I strongly believe certain people cross your life as guardian angels and some connections can't be explained off words alone. It is a soul thing, a feel.

He called me ''Lakshmanu'' after Goddess Lakshmi, and I called him ''Jürgenuu''.

He was from Germany. He came into my life a few months after my dad passed away. He reassured me that everything will be alright. He stood by me and have supported me in everything I have done. He listened to my dreams and aspirations. He was the one person I knew I could always count on, the one who continuously pushed me towards my dreams even when we were hundreds of miles apart. He loved me so much without ego. He handled my mood swings like a Blessing. Just being in his presence meant the world to me.

His letters that he wrote daily from Germany and I received them almost every two days. He never thought about him when he had his own time. He wrote, wrote, and wrote. He didn't pick a paper or a postcard to write but anything he saw that could mark his ink made him happy, like a Tissue/Napkin paper from the restaurant or some cafe.

He left this Earth when he was in Germany. I didn't get a chance to stand by his casket or to kiss him goodbye. He didn't give me the chance to reciprocate the same love he showered...

I would not say I was lucky enough to not experience the death of a loved one until he left my life because I have lost my dad, my Suseela (she was my best friend, my Godmother) but missing Jürgenuu as precious and perfect as him was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I am the luckiest to have met him in a world full of lust, hate, greed, and so-called LOVE.

Everyone was a friend to him. He lit up any room he walked in and everybody knew who he was. Nobody was a stranger to him, he used to walk up to someone and act as he knew them forever.

If you ask me ''what is the best thing that has ever happened to me''...the truth, meeting my Jürgenuu and when I had my daughter.

17 long years of missing him and wondering what life would have been like if he hadn’t been taken away so soon..they say people set apart one day to hold memorials and celebrate their departed, but for me, not a day goes by when I don’t think about him....yearning for the same love and haven't felt the same yet..not even close... I'm at a stage in my life where I need him the most, I am missing him so much.

At times I can hear his laugh, see his big bright blue eyes with heaven in them, his kindness and goodness I can feel. And I know he visits me and gives me signs, but miss his infectious hugs, warmth, and voice...I miss the walks, talks, the beach...the way he held my hands and switch hands while we walked...in fact, I feel his presence while I write this now...All I have are pictures, and memories that I will take to my grave. My coffin box will be filled with his letters.

All I want now is just a minute to say that I miss him so much and that am sorry for everything but knowing my greedy ass I would probably ask for more time. I just picked and read a few of his letters, tears welled up in my eyes and with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, I think of him in silence and say his name..Jürgenuu...

P.S: His final word on Earth was ''Lakshmanu''......